Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

How to Make LOVE Your Decision: Forgiveness and Release

February 13, 2012

There is overwhelming evidence that forgiveness has a positive impact on you psychologically, physiologically, emotionally, and even spiritually. An article published by the Mayo clinic states that: “Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse”

Wow! Who wouldn’t want these things? Use this knowledge to inspire you to decide to forgive.

Adventure #1: Forgive & Release: Choose a person with whom you are currently feeling some anger, resentment, bitterness, or grudge … and you know you are hanging on to it. Maybe you are waiting for them to ask for forgiveness .. maybe it is so huge, you don’t feel capable of even thinking of forgiveness. I want to emphasize that this adventure is not for them. It is for YOU! It is an opportunity to get rid of the weight of this emotional baggage, and create a space for love in your heart. Take some time to go into a quiet state of being, and gently, lovingly explore your feelings. Breathe yourself through the process of asking yourself:

  • What emotions am I feeling related to this situation?
  • What specifically happened? I call this “Naming Your Heart Weight.” By describing it clearly, you make friends with it, so it can no longer take power over your consciousness. You are, in effect, loving the enemy of your error thoughts.
  • Now comes the big question – take a deep breath – and ask yourself: How is holding on to these emotions serving me? What am I getting by continuing to harbor this grudge, tell this story, fuel this anger? You might be surprised by the answers that arise. You might get sympathy from others; or attention; or an opportunity to go into a self-inflicted period of rest (as you brood). Perhaps you enjoy the energy of talking about how mistreated you have been. There are lots of side benefits we fail to acknowledge that keep us hanging on to heavy weights.

Once you have answered these questions, it’s time to decide. Ask yourself this question: What if I let go of the weight of this burden? What if I could experience the freedom of forgiveness? Am I ready to let it go?

If you cannot say yes, then I would refer you back to the question: What am I getting from holding on? And then ask, what would I get by letting go?

Then, as you decide to make LOVE your decision, symbolically seal the decision in some way: a bowl burning; bury it; flush it; write in your journal; create an affirmation; draw a forgiveness logo picture … do something that seals the deal.

Then Forgive and Release! Some say forgive and forget, which is totally unrealistic! We say forgive and release – let the hurt go. Now here’s my own experience. When it is something painful and deep – when you feel you have really been betrayed or violated – it doesn’t happen immediately. (Sometimes it can – but usually it takes a real commitment to the process.) This means that every time a thought about the person or incident arises in your mind, you:

  • acknowledge it [Oh, hi! Are you back again? I thought I let you go!];
  • affirm for each person involved that you have forgiven and released them;
  • affirm their highest and best, sending them a blessing;
  • recommit to your desire to forgive and release, and allow the energy of pure love to flow through your entire being, saturating you with the lightness of forgiveness. You refuse to pick that burden up and carry it again!

From a metaphysical perspective, forgiveness means to give up the false for the true. Forgiveness does not mean you condone what someone does; it does not mean you do not hold people accountable for their actions. Forgiveness means you no longer allow their actions to hold you hostage emotionally. It means you are able to see the Christ in and as them, and you are willing to free them to move on.

If you find yourself starting to tell the story, stop! Just reframe it, and say something like “I’m not giving energy to this anymore!”

And now—Adventure #2: Mirror Image: look at yourself in a mirror, and make Love your decision for yourself. Say (yes, out loud!) “I love you! I forgive you for anything you have said, thought, or done that is not the Truth of who you are. In this moment, I now see the Christ in and as you, and I love you, I accept you, just the way you are. You are worthy. You are divine.

[Now make the switch to I AM] I am worthy! I am Divine! I am Love … I live from Love … I bring Love to every situation … I show up as harmony and peace. I am Love. Love is my Decision…

And in love, I walk the spiritual path on practical feet.

About the Author: Combine a flair for the dramatic, a deep understanding of metaphysics combined with the teachings of Jesus, and a zest for ministry, and you have defined Rev. Cher Holton, the dynamic co-minister for Unity Spiritual Life Center, Durham, NC. She and co-minister husband Rev. Bil Holton bring their love for Truth Principles to everything they do, and work together to create a center that lives its vision and mission in everything it does.They are prolific authors, and share their metaphysical and spiritual principles through their website:

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